You Are A Good Parent! Now Get Off The Internet!

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I only have twenty minutes to write this before my little sensitive bundle of joy will start screaming.


The past two-ish weeks of my life have been consumed with finding the perfect nap and night time sleep solution for our little family. There are dozens and dozens of books, bookmarked webpage,s and forums that I have yet to visit. The amount of information is daunting, and I have only had time to skim headlines. Complete sidebar, if you are writing a book on how to fix a child’s sleep habits, do us all a favor and make it bullet points. I don’t have time to read cutesy little antidotes while I am mired in the trenches of hell trying to persuade my precious little flower to sleep!

Some researchers insist that one should never let their child cry. Other studies point to post-traumatic stress disorder being linked to children who cry. My all time favorite is the forums that rip women to shreds because they found something that works for their family.

After spending two weeks waking up everyone morning with Matt’s favorite phrase, “Fuck My Life”, I decided this has got to end. Everything I read made me feel like a failure of a mother because I don’t want to co-sleep, and there are quite a few nights I just wanted to shove her face into the mattress and scream, “SLEEP MOTHERFUCKER!”

So here is my ode to all of the overly stressed, tired, and super grumpy parents and parental figures out there:

Y ou should understand infants and children suck most of the time, and that is why we love them.

ne in a while you are going to want to kill them, and that is ok as long as you don’t actually do it 😉

nder no circumstance should you ever take your child’s behavior towards you personally. Their brain is still smaller than your labradoodle.


ll other parents will give you their advice. Just nod and smile and don’t really listen.

emember just as you get used to one way your child will completely change and you will have to start all over again.

veryone struggles with parenthood. I do not care what anyone says this is true of all parents.


A t times you are going to feel like giving up, and that is ok. Call for help from a neighbor, friend, family, coworker, online friend, or anyone you feel comfortable asking for help. It is ok if you need a hand or just someone to witness how much having kids sucks.

ood times will come. If you need to print that out and hang it on every mirror in your house.

O ne day they will be all grown up and you will only remember the good times. I know that doesn’t help at the moment, but keep that in the back of your head!

O ne source will tell you crying is bad, and the other source will tell you not crying is bad. Screw them both and do what you can mentally and emotionally handle. Everyone else be damned.

D on’t forget US Army Rangers and the elite military forces of the world would crack after an entire night of listening to an infant scream.


eople on the internet suck even more than raising an infant sucks. Don’t let them make you feel like less of a parent because they don’t agree with what you are doing.

A ll children at some point suck. Once you accept that this is going to suck at some point you will be pleasnatly surprised at how well you can handle a sucky situation.

esist the urge to read every study on the internet. If you must read them first find out who paid to have the study completed and who is paying the researchers salaries. That should give you a good clue what the study is about before even reading the article!

ventually this will seem easy breezy and then you have your second child!

N ever judge another mother who is trying her hardest to stay afloat. You were once there!

ake some time and remember this shit sucks. You are doing the best you can.

For the love of everything that is good in the world…